Summary
A reader's close friendship has become romantic, but their partner now makes accusations and shouts when they try to discuss problems. They feel uncomfortable and want to restore the closeness they previously shared.
The response notes that relationship problems are difficult to resolve when one person refuses discussion.
It suggests asking what is behind the partner's accusations and communicating the reader's own feelings and need to address disagreements, emphasizing that persistent discomfort is a concern in a loving relationship.
Question
Reader · Identity withheldMy best friend and I were getting really close, and then we wound up kissing. I was really happy, because I am in love with him, and have been for 3 years. Lately, he’s been seeming ‘not into it,’ and he’s been incredibly rude to me. He’s been accusing me of trying to avoid him, and telling me that I have been rude to him, when in fact I haven’t been doing anything differently. I just want things to be the same, and I will do anything to get them back. Now I just feel uncomfortable. If I try to talk to him about any of our falling-outs, he starts screaming at me and tells me to stop asking him about it. Help.
Answer
Ann LandersIt’s difficult to get things resolved when one of you doesn’t want to discuss certain issues. When your boyfriend accuses you of trying to avoid him, ask him why he feels that way, and how he would like that to change. You should not feel uncomfortable in a loving relationship. Let him know how you are feeling, and explain to him that it is very important to you that you discuss these issues or else things will not get resolved and may only get worse. Hope that helps, – Anne
