Summary
A homemaker enjoys limited socializing and time at home, but a longtime friend's constant plans and calls feel intrusive. She worries that setting limits makes her seem unfriendly and asks whether something is wrong with her.
The response affirms that people differ in how much social time they want and that enjoying home life is not inherently a problem.
It suggests explaining those feelings honestly to the friend.
Including other friends in occasional shared plans is offered as a way to widen the friend's social connections and communicate that the reader has other relationships too.
Question
Reader · Identity withheldI am a full-time homemaker, and I love it. I have a friend of eight years, and we both have children close to the same age. She is driving me crazy! She schedules events for me, my husband, her husband… She wants to be a part of my everyday life. If I pull back, she accuses me of being mad at her. I do have other friends, but I am also a homebody.
I like to socialize a little, then retreat to my homemaking. She never stops. I have little time for anyone else. I am 37 she is 40. My husband and kids are starting to notice that I resent her phone calls. I stopped calling her. I try to do things with her, but she always wants more.
Somehow I look bad to her family, as well as my family. Is something wrong with me that I am so content with just staying home? I am seen as unsocial. I know I am a nice person, but I resent this intrusion. When she plans things, my kids they know before me. This upsets things; I feel I have to go along to please my children.
Thanks so much.
Answer
Ann LandersThere is nothing wrong with wanting to stay at home. Some of us are just more social than others… Have you tried talking with your friend and telling her how you feel? She should not be upset with you as long as she sees that you are being truthful with her.
Does she have other friends? Would it be possible to introduce her to some of your other friends? Try inviting some of your friends along the next time the two of you have plans.
This would provide an opportunity for her to meet new people. It would also help her to realize that you have friends other than her.
Hope things work out,
– Anne
