Summary
A reader wants closeness but feels unable to initiate touch or accept hugs comfortably. Shame and negative self-image are beginning to affect relationships.
The response interprets the account through an obsessive-compulsive framework and discusses how anxiety can sustain repetitive fears and avoidance.
It recommends professional psychotherapy and a medication consultation, presenting this as the author’s interpretation rather than a diagnosis established by the brief letter.
Question
Reader · Identity withheldI've never liked being touched, but I did not give it much thought until recently, when one of my coworkers asked me about it. Their questions left me feeling embarrassed, because I cant even bring myself to give someone a proper hug. I have tried, but it felt so awkward, like I was doing it wrong.
I never initiate physical contact and even when someone goes in for a hug, I still ask if it’s okay for me to touch them. It’s not that I dislike touch, actually, it’s the opposite. I just feel like people wouldn’t want me to touch them because I see myself as disgusting.
My family were never very physically affectionate, but I don’t think that’s the reason anymore. This fear of touch is starting to ruin my relationships, and I don’t even understand why it’s happening.
Answer
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.What you are describing is a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder also known as Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). OCD works both ways so that a person may fear being touched or touching other people. Behind this fear lies many thoughts such as the danger that germs may be spread or that another person may be dirty or that you may infect another person with your germs or dirt. It is important to realize that none of these thoughts are realistic but are based on fear.
An obsession is defined as a repetitive kind of thinking that is driven by anxiety. Repetitive thoughts may include the fear that there are germs and other people could spread infections. A compulsion is a repetitive activity such as wanting to avoid touching, kissing or hugging other people based on the fear of germs. Obsessions and compulsions can take many forms and there are multiple examples.
People with OCD are always aware of their thoughts and behaviors and how irrational or "silly" they are. However, this awareness does not help them to stop the annoying thoughts and behaviors. Please understand that you are a person who wants to touch and be touched. It is just that this OCD gets in your way of enjoying normal social interaction.
Please do not give up hope as this is very treatable. What are the treatments for OCD?Show moreShow less
- First, there is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in which you are taught methods to stop engaging in these thoughts and activities.
- Second, there are anti depressant medications that provide huge help in relieving depression, anxiety and the OCD symptoms.
The sooner you enter psychotherapy and see a psychiatrist for medication the sooner you will find relief for this problem.
Best of luck.
