{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband","path":"/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband","title":"Should I stay with a lying husband?","family":"Answers detail","description":"After 35 years of marriage, a woman discovers that her husband concealed repeated meetings with an ex-girlfriend.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"custom-shared-preview","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband","wordpressId":"6288","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz"}],"reviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"dates":{"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:16Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T08:36:49Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"},"content":{"html":"<nav class=\"breadcrumbs\" aria-label=\"Breadcrumb\"><ol><li><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/\">Home</a></li><li><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers\">Answers</a></li><li><span aria-current=\"page\">Should I stay with a lying husband?</span></li></ol></nav><div class=\"article-page answer-page\" data-answer-template=\"conversation\"><header class=\"answer-heading article-heading\"><a class=\"answer-back\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers\">Answers</a><h1>Should I stay with a lying husband?</h1><div class=\"answer-credits\"><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/3f1145a76c69b3ca318ecb8b.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"40\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Written by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.</span></span></a><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"40\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Medically reviewed by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</span></span></a></div><dl class=\"answer-heading-dates\"><div><dt>Published</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2024-06-01T00:35:16Z\">June 1, 2024</time></dd></div><div><dt>Updated</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2026-06-05T08:36:49Z\">June 5, 2026</time></dd></div><div><dt>Reviewed</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-09-15\">September 15, 2025</time></dd></div></dl></header><nav class=\"answer-nav\" aria-label=\"Answer navigation\"><a href=\"#summary\">Summary</a><a href=\"#question\">Question</a><a href=\"#answer\">Answer</a></nav><article class=\"prose\" id=\"article-content\" data-answer-thread aria-label=\"Reader question and professional response\"><section class=\"answer-overview\" id=\"summary\" aria-labelledby=\"summary-title\"><h2 id=\"summary-title\">Summary</h2><figure class=\"answer-question-image\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/199eeaf1055c5f192d6a8722.webp\" alt=\"Two cups of tea on a sunlit table during a quiet conversation.\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\"></figure><p>After 35 years of marriage, a woman discovers that her husband concealed repeated meetings with an ex-girlfriend. She describes feeling hurt by his secrecy and asks how to get him to discuss its impact.</p><p>The response identifies honesty and mutual confidence as central to a healthy relationship but says the decision to stay or leave belongs to her.</p><p>It recommends open discussion and marriage therapy to understand each partner's perspective and explore unresolved issues, while considering the emotional and practical investment in their long marriage.</p></section><div class=\"answer-originals\" id=\"original-conversation\"><div class=\"answer-originals-body\"><section class=\"answer-post answer-question\" id=\"question\" aria-labelledby=\"question-person\"><div class=\"answer-avatar answer-reader\" aria-hidden=\"true\">?</div><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"question-person\">Question</h2><span>Reader · Identity withheld</span></header><p>We have been married for 35 years and I recently discovered (through receipt for M+S items) that he was in a different part of the country than what he told me he was and I was away on family business elsewhere. </p>\n<p>He lied in the text we exchanged. He lied in long conversations with me while apart. I had to force him to tell me, which he reluctantly did, that he went to see an ex girl friend that he says has mental health issues.</p>\n<p>He also admitted that he had seen her several times over the years and got her to come to London to see him several times. As I always felt that something else was going on, I feel I cannot trust him anymore because previously he had denied meeting other females and it was not true. </p>\n<p>What can I do to get him to talk about how much he has hurt me with his secrecy?</p></div></section><section class=\"answer-post answer-response\" id=\"answer\" aria-labelledby=\"response-person\"><a class=\"answer-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\" aria-label=\"View Allan Schwartz, Ph.D. profile\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/3f1145a76c69b3ca318ecb8b.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"44\" height=\"44\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"response-person\">Answer</h2><span>Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.</span></header><p>Healthy relationships are based on honesty. When that suffers people cannot trust one another. The lack of trust is a major threat to the likelihood that a marriage will last.</p>\n<p>There is no way of answering the question of whether or not you should stay with your husband. Thirty five years of being together is nothing to be dismissed. It means that you have a lot invested in the marriage in terms of emotions, money and time. You will need to make that decision. </p>\n<p>I was interested to read that one of Hollywood’s oldest marriages came to an end when Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman ended their marriage of thirty years for similar reasons that you are complaining about. However, Perlman has economic security, wealth really, and you may not.</p>\n<p>You and your husband need to talk and go to a good marriage therapist. The likelihood is that he has a different point of view on the marriage than you have. Rather than painting him as a bad man, it would be valuable to find out what issues got the two of you into this problem before you sue for divorce. </p>\n<p>Perhaps there are long standing grievances that the two of you, with the help of a good therapist, could resolve.</p>\n<p>Best of Luck</p></div></section></div></div></article><div class=\"answer-endmatter\"><section class=\"article-expert answer-expert-card\" aria-label=\"Subject matter expert\" data-expert-kind=\"related\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/dana-vince\" tabindex=\"-1\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/84137611aa4e0c5cd188f838.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div class=\"answer-expert-copy\"><p class=\"article-bio-role\">Subject matter expert</p><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/dana-vince\">Dana Vince</a></h2><p class=\"article-expert-focus\">Relationships and marriage counseling</p><a class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/dana-vince\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"article-topic-community\" aria-label=\"Related communities\"><img class=\"topic-community-banner\" src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/785fd7ff3dc1e8ee0699077b.webp\" alt=\"\" width=\"48\" height=\"48\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\"><p class=\"topic-community-label\">Related communities</p><h2>Marriage</h2><p>A space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life.</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/community/marriage\">Explore community</a></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/3f1145a76c69b3ca318ecb8b.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Author</span><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\">Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.</a></h2><p>Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience.</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\" class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Medical reviewer</span><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</a></h2><p>Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\" class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"answer-related\"><h2>Related questions</h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-ex-husband-tells-me-he-wants-to-be-with-me-again-but-wont-move-out-of-his-girlfriends-house\">Why does my ex-husband say he wants me but stay with his girlfriend?</a><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/lying-cheating-husband\">What should I do about my lying, cheating husband?</a><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/trying-to-save-37-years-of-marriage-with-my-bipolar-husband\">How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?</a></section></div></div>","text":"HomeAnswersShould I stay with a lying husband?AnswersShould I stay with a lying husband?Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.PublishedJune 1, 2024UpdatedJune 5, 2026ReviewedSeptember 15, 2025SummaryQuestionAnswerSummaryAfter 35 years of marriage, a woman discovers that her husband concealed repeated meetings with an ex-girlfriend. She describes feeling hurt by his secrecy and asks how to get him to discuss its impact.The response identifies honesty and mutual confidence as central to a healthy relationship but says the decision to stay or leave belongs to her.It recommends open discussion and marriage therapy to understand each partner's perspective and explore unresolved issues, while considering the emotional and practical investment in their long marriage.?QuestionReader · Identity withheldWe have been married for 35 years and I recently discovered (through receipt for M+S items) that he was in a different part of the country than what he told me he was and I was away on family business elsewhere. He lied in the text we exchanged. He lied in long conversations with me while apart. I had to force him to tell me, which he reluctantly did, that he went to see an ex girl friend that he says has mental health issues. He also admitted that he had seen her several times over the years and got her to come to London to see him several times. As I always felt that something else was going on, I feel I cannot trust him anymore because previously he had denied meeting other females and it was not true. What can I do to get him to talk about how much he has hurt me with his secrecy?AnswerAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.Healthy relationships are based on honesty. When that suffers people cannot trust one another. The lack of trust is a major threat to the likelihood that a marriage will last. There is no way of answering the question of whether or not you should stay with your husband. Thirty five years of being together is nothing to be dismissed. It means that you have a lot invested in the marriage in terms of emotions, money and time. You will need to make that decision. I was interested to read that one of Hollywood’s oldest marriages came to an end when Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman ended their marriage of thirty years for similar reasons that you are complaining about. However, Perlman has economic security, wealth really, and you may not. You and your husband need to talk and go to a good marriage therapist. The likelihood is that he has a different point of view on the marriage than you have. Rather than painting him as a bad man, it would be valuable to find out what issues got the two of you into this problem before you sue for divorce. Perhaps there are long standing grievances that the two of you, with the help of a good therapist, could resolve. Best of LuckSubject matter expertDana VinceRelationships and marriage counselingView experienceRelated communitiesMarriageA space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life.Explore communityAuthorAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience.View experienceMedical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D.Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…View experienceRelated questionsWhy does my ex-husband say he wants me but stay with his girlfriend?What should I do about my lying, cheating husband?How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?","wordCount":581},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#website","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Should I stay with a lying husband?","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#primaryimage","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/199eeaf1055c5f192d6a8722.webp","contentUrl":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/199eeaf1055c5f192d6a8722.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"Two cups of tea on a sunlit table during a quiet conversation."},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","jobTitle":"LCSW, Ph.D.","image":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/3f1145a76c69b3ca318ecb8b.jpg"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#article","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband","headline":"Should I stay with a lying husband?","description":"After 35 years of marriage, a woman discovers that her husband concealed repeated meetings with an ex-girlfriend.","wordCount":467,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:16Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T08:36:49Z","author":[{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#question"},{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#answer"}]},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#question","name":"Should I stay with a lying husband?","text":"We have been married for 35 years and I recently discovered (through receipt for M+S items) that he was in a different part of the country than what he told me he was and I was away on family business elsewhere. He lied in the text we exchanged. He lied in long conversations with me while apart. I had to force him to tell me, which he reluctantly did, that he went to see an ex girl friend that he says has mental health issues. He also admitted that he had seen her several times over the years and got her to come to London to see him several times. As I always felt that something else was going on, I feel I cannot trust him anymore because previously he had denied meeting other females and it was not true. What can I do to get him to talk about how much he has hurt me with his secrecy?","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#answer","text":"Healthy relationships are based on honesty. When that suffers people cannot trust one another. The lack of trust is a major threat to the likelihood that a marriage will last. There is no way of answering the question of whether or not you should stay with your husband. Thirty five years of being together is nothing to be dismissed. It means that you have a lot invested in the marriage in terms of emotions, money and time. You will need to make that decision. I was interested to read that one of Hollywood’s oldest marriages came to an end when Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman ended their marriage of thirty years for similar reasons that you are complaining about. However, Perlman has economic security, wealth really, and you may not. You and your husband need to talk and go to a good marriage therapist. The likelihood is that he has a different point of view on the marriage than you have. Rather than painting him as a bad man, it would be valuable to find out what issues got the two of you into this problem before you sue for divorce. Perhaps there are long standing grievances that the two of you, with the help of a good therapist, could resolve. 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byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#summary","label":"Summary"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#question","label":"Question"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#answer","label":"Answer"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/dana-vince","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/dana-vince","label":"Dana Vince"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/dana-vince","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/community/marriage","label":"Explore community"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-ex-husband-tells-me-he-wants-to-be-with-me-again-but-wont-move-out-of-his-girlfriends-house","label":"Why does my ex-husband say he wants me but stay with his girlfriend?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/lying-cheating-husband","label":"What should I do about my lying, cheating husband?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/trying-to-save-37-years-of-marriage-with-my-bipolar-husband","label":"How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?"}],"conversation":{"status":"complete","summary":{"question":"After 35 years of marriage, a woman discovers that her husband concealed repeated meetings with an ex-girlfriend. She describes feeling hurt by his secrecy and asks how to get him to discuss its impact.","answer":"The response identifies honesty and mutual confidence as central to a healthy relationship but says the decision to stay or leave belongs to her. It recommends open discussion and marriage therapy to understand each partner's perspective and explore unresolved issues, while considering the emotional and practical investment in their long marriage."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#question","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#question","html":"<p>We have been married for 35 years and I recently discovered (through receipt for M+S items) that he was in a different part of the country than what he told me he was and I was away on family business elsewhere. </p>\n<p>He lied in the text we exchanged. He lied in long conversations with me while apart. I had to force him to tell me, which he reluctantly did, that he went to see an ex girl friend that he says has mental health issues.</p>\n<p>He also admitted that he had seen her several times over the years and got her to come to London to see him several times. As I always felt that something else was going on, I feel I cannot trust him anymore because previously he had denied meeting other females and it was not true. </p>\n<p>What can I do to get him to talk about how much he has hurt me with his secrecy?</p>","text":"We have been married for 35 years and I recently discovered (through receipt for M+S items) that he was in a different part of the country than what he told me he was and I was away on family business elsewhere. He lied in the text we exchanged. He lied in long conversations with me while apart. I had to force him to tell me, which he reluctantly did, that he went to see an ex girl friend that he says has mental health issues. He also admitted that he had seen her several times over the years and got her to come to London to see him several times. As I always felt that something else was going on, I feel I cannot trust him anymore because previously he had denied meeting other females and it was not true. What can I do to get him to talk about how much he has hurt me with his secrecy?"},"answer":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#answer","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband#answer","html":"<p>Healthy relationships are based on honesty. When that suffers people cannot trust one another. The lack of trust is a major threat to the likelihood that a marriage will last.</p>\n<p>There is no way of answering the question of whether or not you should stay with your husband. Thirty five years of being together is nothing to be dismissed. It means that you have a lot invested in the marriage in terms of emotions, money and time. You will need to make that decision. </p>\n<p>I was interested to read that one of Hollywood’s oldest marriages came to an end when Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman ended their marriage of thirty years for similar reasons that you are complaining about. However, Perlman has economic security, wealth really, and you may not.</p>\n<p>You and your husband need to talk and go to a good marriage therapist. The likelihood is that he has a different point of view on the marriage than you have. Rather than painting him as a bad man, it would be valuable to find out what issues got the two of you into this problem before you sue for divorce. </p>\n<p>Perhaps there are long standing grievances that the two of you, with the help of a good therapist, could resolve.</p>\n<p>Best of Luck</p>","text":"Healthy relationships are based on honesty. When that suffers people cannot trust one another. The lack of trust is a major threat to the likelihood that a marriage will last. There is no way of answering the question of whether or not you should stay with your husband. Thirty five years of being together is nothing to be dismissed. It means that you have a lot invested in the marriage in terms of emotions, money and time. You will need to make that decision. I was interested to read that one of Hollywood’s oldest marriages came to an end when Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman ended their marriage of thirty years for similar reasons that you are complaining about. However, Perlman has economic security, wealth really, and you may not. You and your husband need to talk and go to a good marriage therapist. The likelihood is that he has a different point of view on the marriage than you have. Rather than painting him as a bad man, it would be valuable to find out what issues got the two of you into this problem before you sue for divorce. Perhaps there are long standing grievances that the two of you, with the help of a good therapist, could resolve. Best of Luck","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"Should I stay with a lying husband? | MentalHealth.com","description":"After 35 years of marriage, a woman discovers that her husband concealed repeated meetings with an ex-girlfriend.","canonical":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband","robots":"index,follow","socialImage":{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/optimized/f7d19272dd5d30590dddbab9.png","width":1200,"height":630,"alt":"MentalHealth.com — Answers","type":"image/png","sitemapGroup":"answers"}},"subjectMatterExpert":{"name":"Dana Vince","url":"/people/dana-vince","profileId":"6375","topic":"relationships","focus":"Relationships and marriage counseling","selectionBasis":"Documented expertise in the existing published profile","reviewAttribution":false},"navigation":[],"relatedCommunity":{"community":"/community/marriage","basis":"topic match"},"collections":[]}