{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression","path":"/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression","title":"Why does our son refuse treatment for his anxiety and depression?","family":"Answers detail","description":"Parents are worried about a 23-year-old son whose anxiety and depression have disrupted college and work.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"custom-shared-preview","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression","wordpressId":"6257","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz"}],"reviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"dates":{"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:15Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T09:56:47Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"},"content":{"html":"
Answers

Why does our son refuse treatment for his anxiety and depression?

\"\"Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.\"\"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.
Published
Updated
Reviewed

Summary

\"Two

Parents are worried about a 23-year-old son whose anxiety and depression have disrupted college and work. Living far away, he refuses their efforts to arrange help and may not be taking prescribed medication consistently.

The answer acknowledges the limits of parents’ control over an adult child and cautions that pushing may increase resistance.

It suggests gentle conversations about available help and shame, practical boundaries around support, and professional assessment when he is willing, while offering no guarantee that these approaches will change his response.

?

Question

Reader · Identity withheld

Our son has been away at college and began suffering from anxiety attacks and depression about 2 years ago. He has had to drop out of college, lost his job and basically is doing a very poor job of making decisions in general. He lives 9 hours away.

\n

We have made numerous trips to get him help in his area, since he refuses to come home. He never follows through with any appointments we make and seems to be getting worse day by day.

\n

He currently has a prescription for Paxil, but I’m not sure if he is taking it on a regular basis. He is very angry and not the same young man he was a few years ago. What can we do as parents, other than sit and watch him self-destruct?

\"\"

Answer

Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
You are describing a familiar scenario and it is always painful one for parents. However, as much as I want to be able to tell you what you can do to help your son, I must admit, there is really nothing  to do. In fact, my educated guess is that, the more you push him to get himself help, the more he will be resistant. Here are some of the reasons why I believe there is not much to do:\n
    \n
  1. At age 23, your son is still in a protracted adolescent stage of life. It is protracted because the complexity of life today, adolescence is extended into what would have been considered adulthood just 50 years ago. For that reason, his fighting you over getting help is part of that adolescent rebellion.
    2. \n
  2. I hate to suggest this to you because there is nothing much you can do about it but, the fact that he is so very changed from a few years ago, may have to do with drug and alcohol abuse. Please understand, I am not accusing your son because I do not know him, and I am only putting forward a suggestion. However, dropping out of school and not returning home and with him so very angry, does hint at the possiblity of drug abuse, especially today when college often means exposure to this problem.
    3. \n
  3. Like it or not and most of us parents do not like it, at age 23, your son is legally if not mentally, an adult and can make his own decisions.
    4. \n
  4. As with many men, your son may feel ashamed of himself for needing help for depression and anxiety. This is a common problem and, if this is the case, he needs to be made aware that it is OK to need help.
    5. \n
  5. Sometimes, people are resistant to getting help until they are feeling so miserable that they are willing to change and accept psycholgical services.
    6. \n
\nHowever:\nI do have a couple of ideas that you might try but, in no way can I guarantee results:\n
    \n
  1. When you call your son, ask how he is feeling and, if he complains, gently drop a hint that help is available. Then, do not argue with him. Yoiu might also hint to going to psychotherapy is nothing shameful and, even ask him if he is ashamed. He should not be.
    2. \n
  2. You could mention that, if he does not want to get help for himself, what about doing it for you and his Dad as both of you are terribly worred about him? A small amount of guilt can, at times, help. Besides, it is true that you and his father are extremely worried about him.
    3. \n
  3. I would urge you not to finance him (my opinion). I can only assume that he is self supporting. If this is not true then there is no reason for you to support his stubborness or worse (drug abuse). He should get a job to support himself if he is not in school and wanting to live on his own.
    4. \n
  4. If and when he is willing to go for help, he should see a Licensed Clinical Psychologist or Licensed Clinical Social Worker so that he can be properly diagnosed. It may be that anxiety and depression are not his primary problem. Perhaps there is Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), etc.
    5. \n
\nDo not give up hope. However, you need the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomn, to deal with this situation.\n

Good Luck

\"\"

Subject matter expert

Simone Hoermann Ph.D.

Personality disorders, anxiety, and depression

View experience
\"\"

Related communities

Anxiety

A welcoming place for questions and perspectives about anxiety in everyday life.

Explore community
\"\"
Author

Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.

Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience.

View experience
\"\"
Medical reviewer

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…

View experience

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","text":"HomeAnswersWhy does our son refuse treatment for his anxiety and depression?AnswersWhy does our son refuse treatment for his anxiety and depression?Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.PublishedJune 1, 2024UpdatedJune 5, 2026ReviewedSeptember 15, 2025SummaryQuestionAnswerSummaryParents are worried about a 23-year-old son whose anxiety and depression have disrupted college and work. Living far away, he refuses their efforts to arrange help and may not be taking prescribed medication consistently.The answer acknowledges the limits of parents’ control over an adult child and cautions that pushing may increase resistance.It suggests gentle conversations about available help and shame, practical boundaries around support, and professional assessment when he is willing, while offering no guarantee that these approaches will change his response.?QuestionReader · Identity withheldOur son has been away at college and began suffering from anxiety attacks and depression about 2 years ago. He has had to drop out of college, lost his job and basically is doing a very poor job of making decisions in general. He lives 9 hours away. We have made numerous trips to get him help in his area, since he refuses to come home. He never follows through with any appointments we make and seems to be getting worse day by day. He currently has a prescription for Paxil, but I’m not sure if he is taking it on a regular basis. He is very angry and not the same young man he was a few years ago. What can we do as parents, other than sit and watch him self-destruct?AnswerAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.You are describing a familiar scenario and it is always painful one for parents. However, as much as I want to be able to tell you what you can do to help your son, I must admit, there is really nothing to do. In fact, my educated guess is that, the more you push him to get himself help, the more he will be resistant. Here are some of the reasons why I believe there is not much to do: At age 23, your son is still in a protracted adolescent stage of life. It is protracted because the complexity of life today, adolescence is extended into what would have been considered adulthood just 50 years ago. For that reason, his fighting you over getting help is part of that adolescent rebellion. I hate to suggest this to you because there is nothing much you can do about it but, the fact that he is so very changed from a few years ago, may have to do with drug and alcohol abuse. Please understand, I am not accusing your son because I do not know him, and I am only putting forward a suggestion. However, dropping out of school and not returning home and with him so very angry, does hint at the possiblity of drug abuse, especially today when college often means exposure to this problem. Like it or not and most of us parents do not like it, at age 23, your son is legally if not mentally, an adult and can make his own decisions. As with many men, your son may feel ashamed of himself for needing help for depression and anxiety. This is a common problem and, if this is the case, he needs to be made aware that it is OK to need help. Sometimes, people are resistant to getting help until they are feeling so miserable that they are willing to change and accept psycholgical services. However: I do have a couple of ideas that you might try but, in no way can I guarantee results: When you call your son, ask how he is feeling and, if he complains, gently drop a hint that help is available. Then, do not argue with him. Yoiu might also hint to going to psychotherapy is nothing shameful and, even ask him if he is ashamed. He should not be. You could mention that, if he does not want to get help for himself, what about doing it for you and his Dad as both of you are terribly worred about him? A small amount of guilt can, at times, help. Besides, it is true that you and his father are extremely worried about him. I would urge you not to finance him (my opinion). I can only assume that he is self supporting. If this is not true then there is no reason for you to support his stubborness or worse (drug abuse). He should get a job to support himself if he is not in school and wanting to live on his own. 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treatment for his anxiety and depression?","description":"Parents are worried about a 23-year-old son whose anxiety and depression have disrupted college and 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does our son refuse treatment for his anxiety and depression?","text":"Our son has been away at college and began suffering from anxiety attacks and depression about 2 years ago. He has had to drop out of college, lost his job and basically is doing a very poor job of making decisions in general. He lives 9 hours away. We have made numerous trips to get him help in his area, since he refuses to come home. He never follows through with any appointments we make and seems to be getting worse day by day. He currently has a prescription for Paxil, but I’m not sure if he is taking it on a regular basis. He is very angry and not the same young man he was a few years ago. What can we do as parents, other than sit and watch him self-destruct?","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#answer","text":"You are describing a familiar scenario and it is always painful one for parents. However, as much as I want to be able to tell you what you can do to help your son, I must admit, there is really nothing to do. In fact, my educated guess is that, the more you push him to get himself help, the more he will be resistant. Here are some of the reasons why I believe there is not much to do: At age 23, your son is still in a protracted adolescent stage of life. It is protracted because the complexity of life today, adolescence is extended into what would have been considered adulthood just 50 years ago. For that reason, his fighting you over getting help is part of that adolescent rebellion. I hate to suggest this to you because there is nothing much you can do about it but, the fact that he is so very changed from a few years ago, may have to do with drug and alcohol abuse. Please understand, I am not accusing your son because I do not know him, and I am only putting forward a suggestion. However, dropping out of school and not returning home and with him so very angry, does hint at the possiblity of drug abuse, especially today when college often means exposure to this problem. Like it or not and most of us parents do not like it, at age 23, your son is legally if not mentally, an adult and can make his own decisions. As with many men, your son may feel ashamed of himself for needing help for depression and anxiety. This is a common problem and, if this is the case, he needs to be made aware that it is OK to need help. Sometimes, people are resistant to getting help until they are feeling so miserable that they are willing to change and accept psycholgical services. However: I do have a couple of ideas that you might try but, in no way can I guarantee results: When you call your son, ask how he is feeling and, if he complains, gently drop a hint that help is available. Then, do not argue with him. Yoiu might also hint to going to psychotherapy is nothing shameful and, even ask him if he is ashamed. He should not be. You could mention that, if he does not want to get help for himself, what about doing it for you and his Dad as both of you are terribly worred about him? A small amount of guilt can, at times, help. Besides, it is true that you and his father are extremely worried about him. I would urge you not to finance him (my opinion). I can only assume that he is self supporting. If this is not true then there is no reason for you to support his stubborness or worse (drug abuse). He should get a job to support himself if he is not in school and wanting to live on his own. If and when he is willing to go for help, he should see a Licensed Clinical Psychologist or Licensed Clinical Social Worker so that he can be properly diagnosed. It may be that anxiety and depression are not his primary problem. Perhaps there is ADHD, etc. Do not give up hope. However, you need the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomn, to deal with this situation. 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byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#summary","label":"Summary"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#question","label":"Question"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#answer","label":"Answer"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/simone-hoermann","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/simone-hoermann","label":"Simone Hoermann Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/simone-hoermann","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/community/anxiety","label":"Explore community"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/security-clearance-and-depression","label":"Will depression affect my chances of getting security clearance?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/potentially-suicidal-boyfriend","label":"How do I cope with my boyfriend’s depression?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/paranoid-depression","label":"What is paranoid depression?"}],"conversation":{"status":"complete","summary":{"question":"Parents are worried about a 23-year-old son whose anxiety and depression have disrupted college and work. Living far away, he refuses their efforts to arrange help and may not be taking prescribed medication consistently.","answer":"The answer acknowledges the limits of parents’ control over an adult child and cautions that pushing may increase resistance. It suggests gentle conversations about available help and shame, practical boundaries around support, and professional assessment when he is willing, while offering no guarantee that these approaches will change his response."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#question","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#question","html":"

Our son has been away at college and began suffering from anxiety attacks and depression about 2 years ago. He has had to drop out of college, lost his job and basically is doing a very poor job of making decisions in general. He lives 9 hours away.

\n

We have made numerous trips to get him help in his area, since he refuses to come home. He never follows through with any appointments we make and seems to be getting worse day by day.

\n

He currently has a prescription for Paxil, but I’m not sure if he is taking it on a regular basis. He is very angry and not the same young man he was a few years ago. What can we do as parents, other than sit and watch him self-destruct?

","text":"Our son has been away at college and began suffering from anxiety attacks and depression about 2 years ago. He has had to drop out of college, lost his job and basically is doing a very poor job of making decisions in general. He lives 9 hours away. We have made numerous trips to get him help in his area, since he refuses to come home. He never follows through with any appointments we make and seems to be getting worse day by day. He currently has a prescription for Paxil, but I’m not sure if he is taking it on a regular basis. He is very angry and not the same young man he was a few years ago. What can we do as parents, other than sit and watch him self-destruct?"},"answer":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#answer","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression#answer","html":"You are describing a familiar scenario and it is always painful one for parents. However, as much as I want to be able to tell you what you can do to help your son, I must admit, there is really nothing  to do. In fact, my educated guess is that, the more you push him to get himself help, the more he will be resistant. Here are some of the reasons why I believe there is not much to do:\n
    \n \t
  1. At age 23, your son is still in a protracted adolescent stage of life. It is protracted because the complexity of life today, adolescence is extended into what would have been considered adulthood just 50 years ago. For that reason, his fighting you over getting help is part of that adolescent rebellion.
    2. \n \t
  2. I hate to suggest this to you because there is nothing much you can do about it but, the fact that he is so very changed from a few years ago, may have to do with drug and alcohol abuse. Please understand, I am not accusing your son because I do not know him, and I am only putting forward a suggestion. However, dropping out of school and not returning home and with him so very angry, does hint at the possiblity of drug abuse, especially today when college often means exposure to this problem.
    3. \n \t
  3. Like it or not and most of us parents do not like it, at age 23, your son is legally if not mentally, an adult and can make his own decisions.
    4. \n \t
  4. As with many men, your son may feel ashamed of himself for needing help for depression and anxiety. This is a common problem and, if this is the case, he needs to be made aware that it is OK to need help.
    5. \n \t
  5. Sometimes, people are resistant to getting help until they are feeling so miserable that they are willing to change and accept psycholgical services.
    6. \n
\nHowever:\nI do have a couple of ideas that you might try but, in no way can I guarantee results:\n
    \n \t
  1. When you call your son, ask how he is feeling and, if he complains, gently drop a hint that help is available. Then, do not argue with him. Yoiu might also hint to going to psychotherapy is nothing shameful and, even ask him if he is ashamed. He should not be.
    2. \n \t
  2. You could mention that, if he does not want to get help for himself, what about doing it for you and his Dad as both of you are terribly worred about him? A small amount of guilt can, at times, help. Besides, it is true that you and his father are extremely worried about him.
    3. \n \t
  3. I would urge you not to finance him (my opinion). I can only assume that he is self supporting. If this is not true then there is no reason for you to support his stubborness or worse (drug abuse). He should get a job to support himself if he is not in school and wanting to live on his own.
    4. \n \t
  4. If and when he is willing to go for help, he should see a Licensed Clinical Psychologist or Licensed Clinical Social Worker so that he can be properly diagnosed. It may be that anxiety and depression are not his primary problem. Perhaps there is ADHD, etc.
    5. \n
\nDo not give up hope. However, you need the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomn, to deal with this situation.\n

Good Luck

","text":"You are describing a familiar scenario and it is always painful one for parents. However, as much as I want to be able to tell you what you can do to help your son, I must admit, there is really nothing to do. In fact, my educated guess is that, the more you push him to get himself help, the more he will be resistant. Here are some of the reasons why I believe there is not much to do: At age 23, your son is still in a protracted adolescent stage of life. It is protracted because the complexity of life today, adolescence is extended into what would have been considered adulthood just 50 years ago. For that reason, his fighting you over getting help is part of that adolescent rebellion. I hate to suggest this to you because there is nothing much you can do about it but, the fact that he is so very changed from a few years ago, may have to do with drug and alcohol abuse. Please understand, I am not accusing your son because I do not know him, and I am only putting forward a suggestion. However, dropping out of school and not returning home and with him so very angry, does hint at the possiblity of drug abuse, especially today when college often means exposure to this problem. Like it or not and most of us parents do not like it, at age 23, your son is legally if not mentally, an adult and can make his own decisions. As with many men, your son may feel ashamed of himself for needing help for depression and anxiety. This is a common problem and, if this is the case, he needs to be made aware that it is OK to need help. Sometimes, people are resistant to getting help until they are feeling so miserable that they are willing to change and accept psycholgical services. However: I do have a couple of ideas that you might try but, in no way can I guarantee results: When you call your son, ask how he is feeling and, if he complains, gently drop a hint that help is available. Then, do not argue with him. Yoiu might also hint to going to psychotherapy is nothing shameful and, even ask him if he is ashamed. He should not be. You could mention that, if he does not want to get help for himself, what about doing it for you and his Dad as both of you are terribly worred about him? A small amount of guilt can, at times, help. Besides, it is true that you and his father are extremely worried about him. I would urge you not to finance him (my opinion). I can only assume that he is self supporting. If this is not true then there is no reason for you to support his stubborness or worse (drug abuse). He should get a job to support himself if he is not in school and wanting to live on his own. If and when he is willing to go for help, he should see a Licensed Clinical Psychologist or Licensed Clinical Social Worker so that he can be properly diagnosed. It may be that anxiety and depression are not his primary problem. Perhaps there is ADHD, etc. Do not give up hope. However, you need the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomn, to deal with this situation. Good Luck","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"Why does our son refuse treatment for his anxiety | MentalHealth.com","description":"Parents are worried about a 23-year-old son whose anxiety and depression have disrupted college and work.","canonical":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/our-23-year-old-son-refuses-to-get-help-for-his-anxiety-attacks-and-depression","robots":"index,follow","socialImage":{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/social-tiles-20261006-dots/answers.png","width":1200,"height":630,"alt":"MentalHealth.com — Answers","type":"image/png","sitemapGroup":"answers"}},"subjectMatterExpert":{"name":"Simone Hoermann, Ph.D.","url":"/people/simone-hoermann","profileId":"6419","topic":"mood","focus":"Personality disorders, anxiety, and depression","selectionBasis":"Documented expertise in the existing published profile","reviewAttribution":false},"navigation":[],"relatedCommunity":{"community":"/community/anxiety","basis":"topic match"},"collections":[]}