{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave","path":"/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave","title":"What should I do if my wife wants me to leave?","family":"Answers detail","description":"A husband describes financial difficulties, treatment for his own spending problems, and a wife who alternates between reunion, separation, and divorce.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"custom-shared-preview","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave","wordpressId":"6243","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers"}],"reviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"dates":{"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:15Z","dateModified":"2025-09-07T07:28:22Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"},"content":{"html":"<nav class=\"breadcrumbs\" aria-label=\"Breadcrumb\"><ol><li><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/\">Home</a></li><li><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers\">Answers</a></li><li><span aria-current=\"page\">What should I do if my wife wants me to leave?</span></li></ol></nav><div class=\"article-page answer-page\" data-answer-template=\"conversation\"><header class=\"answer-heading article-heading\"><a class=\"answer-back\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers\">Answers</a><h1>What should I do if my wife wants me to leave?</h1><div class=\"answer-credits\"><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9419.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"40\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Written by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Ann Landers</span></span></a><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9210.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"40\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Medically reviewed by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</span></span></a></div><dl class=\"answer-heading-dates\"><div><dt>Published</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2024-06-01T00:35:15Z\">June 1, 2024</time></dd></div><div><dt>Updated</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-09-07T07:28:22Z\">September 7, 2025</time></dd></div><div><dt>Reviewed</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-09-15\">September 15, 2025</time></dd></div></dl></header><nav class=\"answer-nav\" aria-label=\"Answer navigation\"><a href=\"#summary\">Summary</a><a href=\"#question\">Question</a><a href=\"#answer\">Answer</a></nav><article class=\"prose\" id=\"article-content\" data-answer-thread aria-label=\"Reader question and professional response\"><section class=\"answer-overview\" id=\"summary\" aria-labelledby=\"summary-title\"><h2 id=\"summary-title\">Summary</h2><figure class=\"answer-question-image\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave-20261003.webp\" alt=\"An adult pausing beside a bright kitchen window\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" fetchpriority=\"high\"></figure><p>A husband describes financial difficulties, treatment for his own spending problems, and a wife who alternates between reunion, separation, and divorce. He loves his family but feels hurt and confused by her changing wishes.</p><p>The answer interprets the wife’s uncertainty as something she may need professional help to explore, rather than claiming to know why she feels this way.</p><p>It encourages him to ask her to seek psychotherapy and allow some time for that work, given his wish to preserve the marriage.</p></section><div class=\"answer-originals\" id=\"original-conversation\"><div class=\"answer-originals-body\"><section class=\"answer-post answer-question\" id=\"question\" aria-labelledby=\"question-person\"><div class=\"answer-avatar answer-reader\" aria-hidden=\"true\">?</div><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"question-person\">Question</h2><span>Reader · Identity withheld</span></header><p>I have been married for 12 years and have gone through a lot of problems. I owned my own business (general contractor) with a partner who was not able to put his 50% into the business. I decided to talk with him and tell him I was going on my own. He agreed with this and I feel pretty good about the future, but there is more to this. I was, and still am, an obsessive/compulsive person (with credit cards and finances).</p>\n<p>I had to file for chapter 13 to relieve us from the debt. Some of this debt was for personal things; I always felt there would be enough money to pay for everything I bought. About 1/2 of the debt was from paying the mortgage and groceries, gas, paying credit bills with other credit cards, etc… Before all of this happened, my wife wanted to go back to college full-time to get her masters degree in social work, about 6 years ago (1992).</p>\n<details class=\"answer-long-text\"><summary><span class=\"answer-read-more\">Show more</span><span class=\"answer-read-less\">Show less</span></summary><p>There was a point in time where I felt she was putting a lot of pressure on me to fill the entire financial gap, but I understood that she was trying to better herself. In October of 1997 I was asked to leave my house and my kids by my wife’s wishes — I did. I was extremely upset about the whole mess. I was living with my father, who is the best father in the world to me, for about 8 weeks. He wanted me to see a doctor about my situation with the credit and cash problem.</p>\n<p>I got the help I needed through medication. One week before Christmas, I called my wife to see if she and my daughters wanted to go to the movies, and she started crying. She asked me to come over and talk — I did. She wanted me back, but something was still not right. On January 22 she wanted to get her own apartment and leave.</p>\n<p>I have been told I am not loved, not wanted, and disliked by her. She has asked for a divorce, but now wants to just separate in hopes that whatever problem she is having with me will go away. I am a wonderful and loving father to my kids and I love my wife. I can’t get inside of her to find out what the hell is going on. At this stage, I feel the only way I’m going to save our marriage is to get her some professional help. Something is holding her back from filing for divorce.</p>\n<p>What do I do? I need help!</p></details></div></section><section class=\"answer-post answer-response\" id=\"answer\" aria-labelledby=\"response-person\"><a class=\"answer-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\" aria-label=\"View Ann Landers profile\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9419.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"44\" height=\"44\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"response-person\">Answer</h2><span>Ann Landers</span></header><p>You’re not the one who needs help! Your wife does. You said it yourself… “to get her some professional help,” and from what you’ve explained of the situation, it sounds as if that’s exactly what she needs. Apparently she’s having a hard time figuring out her feelings toward you and the marriage. Why that is is anybody’s guess.</p>\n<p>But what is clear is that she’s inadvertently causing you a great deal of pain and distress with her ambivalence. If she can’t resolve this on her own, in short time, then she needs to see a psychotherapist, such as a psychologist or clinical social worker. You seem to be well aware of your own problems and limitations, and I think that speaks pretty well of your maturity level.</p>\n<p>It also bodes well for the future of your relationship with her, if she can figure out what her own difficulties are. It’s always a good idea to have a firm handle on one’s strengths and weaknesses, and you seem to have that. Since you love your wife and kids so much, I encourage you to hang in there a little bit longer with her.</p>\n<p>Ask her to seek counseling immediately, and give her some time to work out things in therapy before giving up on her. If there were more men like you in the world, I think this world would be a better place.</p>\n<p>Sincerely,</p>\n<p>– Anne</p></div></section></div></div></article><div class=\"answer-endmatter\"><section class=\"article-expert answer-expert-card\" aria-label=\"Subject matter expert\" data-expert-kind=\"related\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel\" tabindex=\"-1\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/13152.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div class=\"answer-expert-copy\"><p class=\"article-bio-role\">Subject matter expert</p><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel\">Carlos Protzel <span class=\"expert-credentials\">Psy.D.</span></a></h2><p class=\"article-expert-focus\">Integrative mental health care</p><a class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"article-topic-community\" aria-label=\"Related communities\"><img class=\"topic-community-banner\" src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/library/editorial-10366.webp\" alt=\"\" width=\"48\" height=\"48\" loading=\"lazy\"><p class=\"topic-community-label\">Related communities</p><h2>Marriage</h2><p>A space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life.</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/community/marriage\">Explore community</a></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9419.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Author</span><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\">Ann Landers</a></h2><p>Ann Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide.</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\" class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9210.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Medical reviewer</span><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</a></h2><p>Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\" class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"answer-related\"><h2>Related questions</h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/wife-of-21-years-has-a-boyfriend\">Why does my wife of 21 years have a boyfriend?</a><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/why-does-my-wifes-old-boyfriend-bother-me\">Why does my wife’s old boyfriend bother me?</a><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-leave-my-husband\">Should I leave my husband?</a></section></div></div>","text":"HomeAnswersWhat should I do if my wife wants me to leave?AnswersWhat should I do if my wife wants me to leave?Written byAnn LandersMedically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.PublishedJune 1, 2024UpdatedSeptember 7, 2025ReviewedSeptember 15, 2025SummaryQuestionAnswerSummaryA husband describes financial difficulties, treatment for his own spending problems, and a wife who alternates between reunion, separation, and divorce. He loves his family but feels hurt and confused by her changing wishes.The answer interprets the wife’s uncertainty as something she may need professional help to explore, rather than claiming to know why she feels this way.It encourages him to ask her to seek psychotherapy and allow some time for that work, given his wish to preserve the marriage.?QuestionReader · Identity withheldI have been married for 12 years and have gone through a lot of problems. I owned my own business (general contractor) with a partner who was not able to put his 50% into the business. I decided to talk with him and tell him I was going on my own. He agreed with this and I feel pretty good about the future, but there is more to this. I was, and still am, an obsessive/compulsive person (with credit cards and finances). I had to file for chapter 13 to relieve us from the debt. Some of this debt was for personal things; I always felt there would be enough money to pay for everything I bought. About 1/2 of the debt was from paying the mortgage and groceries, gas, paying credit bills with other credit cards, etc… Before all of this happened, my wife wanted to go back to college full-time to get her masters degree in social work, about 6 years ago (1992). Show moreShow lessThere was a point in time where I felt she was putting a lot of pressure on me to fill the entire financial gap, but I understood that she was trying to better herself. In October of 1997 I was asked to leave my house and my kids by my wife’s wishes — I did. I was extremely upset about the whole mess. I was living with my father, who is the best father in the world to me, for about 8 weeks. He wanted me to see a doctor about my situation with the credit and cash problem. I got the help I needed through medication. One week before Christmas, I called my wife to see if she and my daughters wanted to go to the movies, and she started crying. She asked me to come over and talk — I did. She wanted me back, but something was still not right. On January 22 she wanted to get her own apartment and leave. I have been told I am not loved, not wanted, and disliked by her. She has asked for a divorce, but now wants to just separate in hopes that whatever problem she is having with me will go away. I am a wonderful and loving father to my kids and I love my wife. I can’t get inside of her to find out what the hell is going on. At this stage, I feel the only way I’m going to save our marriage is to get her some professional help. Something is holding her back from filing for divorce. What do I do? I need help!AnswerAnn LandersYou’re not the one who needs help! Your wife does. You said it yourself… “to get her some professional help,” and from what you’ve explained of the situation, it sounds as if that’s exactly what she needs. Apparently she’s having a hard time figuring out her feelings toward you and the marriage. Why that is is anybody’s guess. But what is clear is that she’s inadvertently causing you a great deal of pain and distress with her ambivalence. If she can’t resolve this on her own, in short time, then she needs to see a psychotherapist, such as a psychologist or clinical social worker. You seem to be well aware of your own problems and limitations, and I think that speaks pretty well of your maturity level. It also bodes well for the future of your relationship with her, if she can figure out what her own difficulties are. It’s always a good idea to have a firm handle on one’s strengths and weaknesses, and you seem to have that. Since you love your wife and kids so much, I encourage you to hang in there a little bit longer with her. Ask her to seek counseling immediately, and give her some time to work out things in therapy before giving up on her. If there were more men like you in the world, I think this world would be a better place. Sincerely, – AnneSubject matter expertCarlos Protzel Psy.D.Integrative mental health careView experienceRelated communitiesMarriageA space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life.Explore communityAuthorAnn LandersAnn Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide.View experienceMedical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D.Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…View experienceRelated questionsWhy does my wife of 21 years have a boyfriend?Why does my wife’s old boyfriend bother me?Should I leave my husband?","wordCount":877},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#website","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"What should I do if my wife wants me to leave?","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#primaryimage","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave-20261003.webp","contentUrl":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave-20261003.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"An adult pausing beside a bright kitchen window"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","jobTitle":"Writer (In remembrance)","image":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9419.jpg"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9210.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#article","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave","headline":"What should I do if my wife wants me to leave?","description":"A husband describes financial difficulties, treatment for his own spending problems, and a wife who alternates between reunion, separation, and divorce.","wordCount":764,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:15Z","dateModified":"2025-09-07T07:28:22Z","author":[{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#question"},{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#answer"}]},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#question","name":"What should I do if my wife wants me to leave?","text":"I have been married for 12 years and have gone through a lot of problems. I owned my own business (general contractor) with a partner who was not able to put his 50% into the business. I decided to talk with him and tell him I was going on my own. He agreed with this and I feel pretty good about the future, but there is more to this. I was, and still am, an obsessive/compulsive person (with credit cards and finances). I had to file for chapter 13 to relieve us from the debt. Some of this debt was for personal things; I always felt there would be enough money to pay for everything I bought. About 1/2 of the debt was from paying the mortgage and groceries, gas, paying credit bills with other credit cards, etc… Before all of this happened, my wife wanted to go back to college full-time to get her masters degree in social work, about 6 years ago (1992). There was a point in time where I felt she was putting a lot of pressure on me to fill the entire financial gap, but I understood that she was trying to better herself. In October of 1997 I was asked to leave my house and my kids by my wife’s wishes — I did. I was extremely upset about the whole mess. I was living with my father, who is the best father in the world to me, for about 8 weeks. He wanted me to see a doctor about my situation with the credit and cash problem. I got the help I needed through medication. One week before Christmas, I called my wife to see if she and my daughters wanted to go to the movies, and she started crying. She asked me to come over and talk — I did. She wanted me back, but something was still not right. On January 22 she wanted to get her own apartment and leave. I have been told I am not loved, not wanted, and disliked by her. She has asked for a divorce, but now wants to just separate in hopes that whatever problem she is having with me will go away. I am a wonderful and loving father to my kids and I love my wife. I can’t get inside of her to find out what the hell is going on. At this stage, I feel the only way I’m going to save our marriage is to get her some professional help. Something is holding her back from filing for divorce. What do I do? I need help!","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#answer","text":"You’re not the one who needs help! Your wife does. You said it yourself… “to get her some professional help,” and from what you’ve explained of the situation, it sounds as if that’s exactly what she needs. Apparently she’s having a hard time figuring out her feelings toward you and the marriage. Why that is is anybody’s guess. But what is clear is that she’s inadvertently causing you a great deal of pain and distress with her ambivalence. If she can’t resolve this on her own, in short time, then she needs to see a psychotherapist, such as a psychologist or clinical social worker. You seem to be well aware of your own problems and limitations, and I think that speaks pretty well of your maturity level. It also bodes well for the future of your relationship with her, if she can figure out what her own difficulties are. It’s always a good idea to have a firm handle on one’s strengths and weaknesses, and you seem to have that. Since you love your wife and kids so much, I encourage you to hang in there a little bit longer with her. Ask her to seek counseling immediately, and give her some time to work out things in therapy before giving up on her. If there were more men like you in the world, I think this world would be a better place. Sincerely, – Anne","author":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#answer"},{"@type":"MedicalWebPage","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#webpage","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave","name":"What should I do if my wife wants me to leave?","description":"A husband describes financial difficulties, treatment for his own spending problems, and a wife who alternates between reunion, separation, and 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byAnn Landers"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#summary","label":"Summary"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#question","label":"Question"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#answer","label":"Answer"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel","label":"Carlos Protzel Psy.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/community/marriage","label":"Explore community"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","label":"Ann Landers"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/wife-of-21-years-has-a-boyfriend","label":"Why does my wife of 21 years have a boyfriend?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/why-does-my-wifes-old-boyfriend-bother-me","label":"Why does my wife’s old boyfriend bother me?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-leave-my-husband","label":"Should I leave my husband?"}],"conversation":{"status":"complete","summary":{"question":"A husband describes financial difficulties, treatment for his own spending problems, and a wife who alternates between reunion, separation, and divorce. He loves his family but feels hurt and confused by her changing wishes.","answer":"The answer interprets the wife’s uncertainty as something she may need professional help to explore, rather than claiming to know why she feels this way. It encourages him to ask her to seek psychotherapy and allow some time for that work, given his wish to preserve the marriage."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#question","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#question","html":"<p>I have been married for 12 years and have gone through a lot of problems. I owned my own business (general contractor) with a partner who was not able to put his 50% into the business. I decided to talk with him and tell him I was going on my own. He agreed with this and I feel pretty good about the future, but there is more to this. I was, and still am, an obsessive/compulsive person (with credit cards and finances).</p>\n<p>I had to file for chapter 13 to relieve us from the debt. Some of this debt was for personal things; I always felt there would be enough money to pay for everything I bought. About 1/2 of the debt was from paying the mortgage and groceries, gas, paying credit bills with other credit cards, etc… Before all of this happened, my wife wanted to go back to college full-time to get her masters degree in social work, about 6 years ago (1992).</p>\n<p>There was a point in time where I felt she was putting a lot of pressure on me to fill the entire financial gap, but I understood that she was trying to better herself. In October of 1997 I was asked to leave my house and my kids by my wife’s wishes — I did. I was extremely upset about the whole mess. I was living with my father, who is the best father in the world to me, for about 8 weeks. He wanted me to see a doctor about my situation with the credit and cash problem.</p>\n<p>I got the help I needed through medication. One week before Christmas, I called my wife to see if she and my daughters wanted to go to the movies, and she started crying. She asked me to come over and talk — I did. She wanted me back, but something was still not right. On January 22 she wanted to get her own apartment and leave.</p>\n<p>I have been told I am not loved, not wanted, and disliked by her. She has asked for a divorce, but now wants to just separate in hopes that whatever problem she is having with me will go away. I am a wonderful and loving father to my kids and I love my wife. I can’t get inside of her to find out what the hell is going on. At this stage, I feel the only way I’m going to save our marriage is to get her some professional help. Something is holding her back from filing for divorce.</p>\n<p>What do I do? I need help!</p>","text":"I have been married for 12 years and have gone through a lot of problems. I owned my own business (general contractor) with a partner who was not able to put his 50% into the business. I decided to talk with him and tell him I was going on my own. He agreed with this and I feel pretty good about the future, but there is more to this. I was, and still am, an obsessive/compulsive person (with credit cards and finances). I had to file for chapter 13 to relieve us from the debt. Some of this debt was for personal things; I always felt there would be enough money to pay for everything I bought. About 1/2 of the debt was from paying the mortgage and groceries, gas, paying credit bills with other credit cards, etc… Before all of this happened, my wife wanted to go back to college full-time to get her masters degree in social work, about 6 years ago (1992). There was a point in time where I felt she was putting a lot of pressure on me to fill the entire financial gap, but I understood that she was trying to better herself. In October of 1997 I was asked to leave my house and my kids by my wife’s wishes — I did. I was extremely upset about the whole mess. I was living with my father, who is the best father in the world to me, for about 8 weeks. He wanted me to see a doctor about my situation with the credit and cash problem. I got the help I needed through medication. One week before Christmas, I called my wife to see if she and my daughters wanted to go to the movies, and she started crying. She asked me to come over and talk — I did. She wanted me back, but something was still not right. On January 22 she wanted to get her own apartment and leave. I have been told I am not loved, not wanted, and disliked by her. She has asked for a divorce, but now wants to just separate in hopes that whatever problem she is having with me will go away. I am a wonderful and loving father to my kids and I love my wife. I can’t get inside of her to find out what the hell is going on. At this stage, I feel the only way I’m going to save our marriage is to get her some professional help. Something is holding her back from filing for divorce. What do I do? I need help!"},"answer":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#answer","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave#answer","html":"<p>You’re not the one who needs help! Your wife does. You said it yourself… “to get her some professional help,” and from what you’ve explained of the situation, it sounds as if that’s exactly what she needs. Apparently she’s having a hard time figuring out her feelings toward you and the marriage. Why that is is anybody’s guess.</p>\n<p>But what is clear is that she’s inadvertently causing you a great deal of pain and distress with her ambivalence. If she can’t resolve this on her own, in short time, then she needs to see a psychotherapist, such as a psychologist or clinical social worker. You seem to be well aware of your own problems and limitations, and I think that speaks pretty well of your maturity level.</p>\n<p>It also bodes well for the future of your relationship with her, if she can figure out what her own difficulties are. It’s always a good idea to have a firm handle on one’s strengths and weaknesses, and you seem to have that. Since you love your wife and kids so much, I encourage you to hang in there a little bit longer with her.</p>\n<p>Ask her to seek counseling immediately, and give her some time to work out things in therapy before giving up on her. If there were more men like you in the world, I think this world would be a better place.</p>\n<p>Sincerely,</p>\n<p>– Anne</p>","text":"You’re not the one who needs help! Your wife does. You said it yourself… “to get her some professional help,” and from what you’ve explained of the situation, it sounds as if that’s exactly what she needs. Apparently she’s having a hard time figuring out her feelings toward you and the marriage. Why that is is anybody’s guess. But what is clear is that she’s inadvertently causing you a great deal of pain and distress with her ambivalence. If she can’t resolve this on her own, in short time, then she needs to see a psychotherapist, such as a psychologist or clinical social worker. You seem to be well aware of your own problems and limitations, and I think that speaks pretty well of your maturity level. It also bodes well for the future of your relationship with her, if she can figure out what her own difficulties are. It’s always a good idea to have a firm handle on one’s strengths and weaknesses, and you seem to have that. Since you love your wife and kids so much, I encourage you to hang in there a little bit longer with her. Ask her to seek counseling immediately, and give her some time to work out things in therapy before giving up on her. If there were more men like you in the world, I think this world would be a better place. Sincerely, – Anne","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"What should I do if my wife wants me to leave? | MentalHealth.com","description":"A husband describes financial difficulties, treatment for his own spending problems, and a wife who alternates between reunion, separation, and divorce.","canonical":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/my-wife-wants-me-to-leave","robots":"index,follow","socialImage":{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/social-tiles-20261006-dots/answers.png","width":1200,"height":630,"alt":"MentalHealth.com — Answers","type":"image/png","sitemapGroup":"answers"}},"subjectMatterExpert":{"name":"Carlos Protzel, Psy.D.","url":"/people/carlos-protzel","profileId":"13151","topic":"wellbeing","focus":"Integrative mental health care","selectionBasis":"Documented expertise in the existing published profile","reviewAttribution":false},"navigation":[],"relatedCommunity":{"community":"/community/marriage","basis":"topic match"},"collections":[]}