{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband","path":"/answers/most-likely-gay-husband","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband","title":"What should I do if I suspect my husband is gay?","family":"Answers detail","description":"A reader’s husband has repeatedly had affairs with men despite promises to stop. They are considering divorce but worry about the effect on their two children.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"custom-shared-preview","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/most-likely-gay-husband","wordpressId":"6216","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz"}],"reviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"dates":{"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:14Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T15:14:06Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"},"content":{"html":"<nav class=\"breadcrumbs\" aria-label=\"Breadcrumb\"><ol><li><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/\">Home</a></li><li><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers\">Answers</a></li><li><span aria-current=\"page\">What should I do if I suspect my husband is gay?</span></li></ol></nav><div class=\"article-page answer-page\" data-answer-template=\"conversation\"><header class=\"answer-heading article-heading\"><a class=\"answer-back\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers\">Answers</a><h1>What should I do if I suspect my husband is gay?</h1><div class=\"answer-credits\"><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9429.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"40\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Written by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.</span></span></a><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9210.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"40\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Medically reviewed by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</span></span></a></div><dl class=\"answer-heading-dates\"><div><dt>Published</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2024-06-01T00:35:14Z\">June 1, 2024</time></dd></div><div><dt>Updated</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2026-06-05T15:14:06Z\">June 5, 2026</time></dd></div><div><dt>Reviewed</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-09-15\">September 15, 2025</time></dd></div></dl></header><nav class=\"answer-nav\" aria-label=\"Answer navigation\"><a href=\"#summary\">Summary</a><a href=\"#question\">Question</a><a href=\"#answer\">Answer</a></nav><article class=\"prose\" id=\"article-content\" data-answer-thread aria-label=\"Reader question and professional response\"><section class=\"answer-overview\" id=\"summary\" aria-labelledby=\"summary-title\"><h2 id=\"summary-title\">Summary</h2><figure class=\"answer-question-image\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/answers/most-likely-gay-husband-20261003.webp\" alt=\"A parent reflects at a kitchen table beside a family album.\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" fetchpriority=\"high\"></figure><p>A reader’s husband has repeatedly had affairs with men despite promises to stop. They are considering divorce but worry about the effect on their two children.</p><p>The response speculates that the husband may be gay but treats the central issue as repeated infidelity and damage to the marriage, rather than making orientation a confirmed fact.</p><p>It validates the reader’s uncertainty and says only they can judge whether the relationship can be repaired, encouraging support from a counselor or someone safe while considering the options.</p></section><div class=\"answer-originals\" id=\"original-conversation\"><div class=\"answer-originals-body\"><section class=\"answer-post answer-question\" id=\"question\" aria-labelledby=\"question-person\"><div class=\"answer-avatar answer-reader\" aria-hidden=\"true\">?</div><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"question-person\">Question</h2><span>Reader · Identity withheld</span></header><p>I really need advice, please. My husband of 10 years had cheated on my 4 different times with 4 different men. I feel I just can not stay in this marriage any more. After the first time and I caught him, he swore he would never do it again and begged for forgiveness. I granted such and now he has done it 3 more times.</p>\n<p>I just don’t trust him at all and always wonder what he is really doing when he goes out (which is frequently). Am I crazy to be seeking a divorce for this? We have a son 7 1/2 and a daughter 2 – I would NEVER want to hurt them through any of this. They mean the world to me. Please help if you can.</p></div></section><section class=\"answer-post answer-response\" id=\"answer\" aria-labelledby=\"response-person\"><a class=\"answer-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\" aria-label=\"View Allan Schwartz, Ph.D. profile\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9429.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"44\" height=\"44\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"response-person\">Answer</h2><span>Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.</span></header><p>I’m sure you realize this, at least at some level, but it is very likely that you are married to a gay man. If he is in fact gay, this is not his fault or your fault; he was born that way. </p>\n<p>Our culture makes it so difficult for gay people to feel okay about being gay that many never come to grips with it in early adulthood and end up getting married in the ‘straight’ custom. Some of these marriages last just fine, and others implode when the partner’s gay sexual preferences just can’t be denied anymore.</p>\n<p>Your husband is committing adultery, for sure, and that is a terrible breach of trust. However, if he is gay in a straight marriage, it’s a little for me to cut him some slack than it would be for a straight adulterer in a straight marriage. </p>\n<p>Think about how motivated you might be to find a straight partner if you were living in a gay marriage. Sexuality aside, what this is ultimately about for you is probably that your trust, and your marriage are damaged. Only you can judge whether the damage is irreparable.</p>\n<p>Given the data, I don’t blame you for not trusting him, and no one would blame you for leaving the marriage. In fact, if he is gay and being cowardly about it, he might be acting out so as to provoke you to be the ‘bad guy’ and end the marriage for him. </p>\n<p>Find yourself someone safe to talk all this out with (a counselor, a trusted family member or friend, etc.) and do what you can to figure out what you have to do given your circumstances. Be gentle with yourself but don’t be afraid to be strong if that is what is called for. Good luck.</p></div></section></div></div></article><div class=\"answer-endmatter\"><section class=\"article-expert answer-expert-card\" aria-label=\"Subject matter expert\" data-expert-kind=\"related\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/ondina-hatvany\" tabindex=\"-1\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9245.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div class=\"answer-expert-copy\"><p class=\"article-bio-role\">Subject matter expert</p><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/ondina-hatvany\">Ondina Nandine Hatvany</a></h2><p class=\"article-expert-focus\">Relationships and sexual identity</p><a class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/ondina-hatvany\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"article-topic-community\" aria-label=\"Related communities\"><img class=\"topic-community-banner\" src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/library/editorial-10366.webp\" alt=\"\" width=\"48\" height=\"48\" loading=\"lazy\"><p class=\"topic-community-label\">Related communities</p><h2>Marriage</h2><p>A space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life.</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/community/marriage\">Explore community</a></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9429.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Author</span><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\">Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.</a></h2><p>Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience.</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz\" class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9210.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Medical reviewer</span><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</a></h2><p>Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\" class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"answer-related\"><h2>Related questions</h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/trying-to-save-37-years-of-marriage-with-my-bipolar-husband\">How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?</a><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/slobby-husband\">How do I deal with a slobby husband?</a><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband\">Should I stay with a lying husband?</a></section></div></div>","text":"HomeAnswersWhat should I do if I suspect my husband is gay?AnswersWhat should I do if I suspect my husband is gay?Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.PublishedJune 1, 2024UpdatedJune 5, 2026ReviewedSeptember 15, 2025SummaryQuestionAnswerSummaryA reader’s husband has repeatedly had affairs with men despite promises to stop. They are considering divorce but worry about the effect on their two children.The response speculates that the husband may be gay but treats the central issue as repeated infidelity and damage to the marriage, rather than making orientation a confirmed fact.It validates the reader’s uncertainty and says only they can judge whether the relationship can be repaired, encouraging support from a counselor or someone safe while considering the options.?QuestionReader · Identity withheldI really need advice, please. My husband of 10 years had cheated on my 4 different times with 4 different men. I feel I just can not stay in this marriage any more. After the first time and I caught him, he swore he would never do it again and begged for forgiveness. I granted such and now he has done it 3 more times. I just don’t trust him at all and always wonder what he is really doing when he goes out (which is frequently). Am I crazy to be seeking a divorce for this? We have a son 7 1/2 and a daughter 2 – I would NEVER want to hurt them through any of this. They mean the world to me. Please help if you can.AnswerAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.I’m sure you realize this, at least at some level, but it is very likely that you are married to a gay man. If he is in fact gay, this is not his fault or your fault; he was born that way. Our culture makes it so difficult for gay people to feel okay about being gay that many never come to grips with it in early adulthood and end up getting married in the ‘straight’ custom. Some of these marriages last just fine, and others implode when the partner’s gay sexual preferences just can’t be denied anymore. Your husband is committing adultery, for sure, and that is a terrible breach of trust. However, if he is gay in a straight marriage, it’s a little for me to cut him some slack than it would be for a straight adulterer in a straight marriage. Think about how motivated you might be to find a straight partner if you were living in a gay marriage. Sexuality aside, what this is ultimately about for you is probably that your trust, and your marriage are damaged. Only you can judge whether the damage is irreparable. Given the data, I don’t blame you for not trusting him, and no one would blame you for leaving the marriage. In fact, if he is gay and being cowardly about it, he might be acting out so as to provoke you to be the ‘bad guy’ and end the marriage for him. Find yourself someone safe to talk all this out with (a counselor, a trusted family member or friend, etc.) and do what you can to figure out what you have to do given your circumstances. Be gentle with yourself but don’t be afraid to be strong if that is what is called for. Good luck.Subject matter expertOndina Nandine HatvanyRelationships and sexual identityView experienceRelated communitiesMarriageA space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life.Explore communityAuthorAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience.View experienceMedical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D.Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…View experienceRelated questionsHow can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?How do I deal with a slobby husband?Should I stay with a lying husband?","wordCount":639},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#website","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"What should I do if I suspect my husband is gay?","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#primaryimage","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/answers/most-likely-gay-husband-20261003.webp","contentUrl":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/answers/most-likely-gay-husband-20261003.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"A parent reflects at a kitchen table beside a family album."},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","jobTitle":"LCSW, Ph.D.","image":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9429.jpg"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9210.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#article","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband","headline":"What should I do if I suspect my husband is gay?","description":"A reader’s husband has repeatedly had affairs with men despite promises to stop. They are considering divorce but worry about the effect on their two children.","wordCount":523,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:14Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T15:14:06Z","author":[{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#question"},{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#answer"}]},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#question","name":"What should I do if I suspect my husband is gay?","text":"I really need advice, please. My husband of 10 years had cheated on my 4 different times with 4 different men. I feel I just can not stay in this marriage any more. After the first time and I caught him, he swore he would never do it again and begged for forgiveness. I granted such and now he has done it 3 more times. I just don’t trust him at all and always wonder what he is really doing when he goes out (which is frequently). Am I crazy to be seeking a divorce for this? We have a son 7 1/2 and a daughter 2 – I would NEVER want to hurt them through any of this. They mean the world to me. Please help if you can.","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#answer","text":"I’m sure you realize this, at least at some level, but it is very likely that you are married to a gay man. If he is in fact gay, this is not his fault or your fault; he was born that way. Our culture makes it so difficult for gay people to feel okay about being gay that many never come to grips with it in early adulthood and end up getting married in the ‘straight’ custom. Some of these marriages last just fine, and others implode when the partner’s gay sexual preferences just can’t be denied anymore. Your husband is committing adultery, for sure, and that is a terrible breach of trust. However, if he is gay in a straight marriage, it’s a little for me to cut him some slack than it would be for a straight adulterer in a straight marriage. Think about how motivated you might be to find a straight partner if you were living in a gay marriage. Sexuality aside, what this is ultimately about for you is probably that your trust, and your marriage are damaged. Only you can judge whether the damage is irreparable. Given the data, I don’t blame you for not trusting him, and no one would blame you for leaving the marriage. In fact, if he is gay and being cowardly about it, he might be acting out so as to provoke you to be the ‘bad guy’ and end the marriage for him. Find yourself someone safe to talk all this out with (a counselor, a trusted family member or friend, etc.) and do what you can to figure out what you have to do given your circumstances. Be gentle with yourself but don’t be afraid to be strong if that is what is called for. Good luck.","author":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#answer"},{"@type":"MedicalWebPage","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#webpage","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband","name":"What should I do if I suspect my husband is gay?","description":"A reader’s husband has repeatedly had affairs with men despite promises to stop. 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byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#summary","label":"Summary"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#question","label":"Question"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#answer","label":"Answer"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/ondina-hatvany","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/ondina-hatvany","label":"Ondina Nandine Hatvany"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/ondina-hatvany","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/community/marriage","label":"Explore community"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/trying-to-save-37-years-of-marriage-with-my-bipolar-husband","label":"How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/slobby-husband","label":"How do I deal with a slobby husband?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband","label":"Should I stay with a lying husband?"}],"conversation":{"status":"complete","summary":{"question":"A reader’s husband has repeatedly had affairs with men despite promises to stop. They are considering divorce but worry about the effect on their two children.","answer":"The response speculates that the husband may be gay but treats the central issue as repeated infidelity and damage to the marriage, rather than making orientation a confirmed fact. It validates the reader’s uncertainty and says only they can judge whether the relationship can be repaired, encouraging support from a counselor or someone safe while considering the options."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/most-likely-gay-husband","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#question","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#question","html":"<p>I really need advice, please. My husband of 10 years had cheated on my 4 different times with 4 different men. I feel I just can not stay in this marriage any more. After the first time and I caught him, he swore he would never do it again and begged for forgiveness. I granted such and now he has done it 3 more times.</p>\n<p>I just don’t trust him at all and always wonder what he is really doing when he goes out (which is frequently). Am I crazy to be seeking a divorce for this? We have a son 7 1/2 and a daughter 2 – I would NEVER want to hurt them through any of this. They mean the world to me. Please help if you can.</p>","text":"I really need advice, please. My husband of 10 years had cheated on my 4 different times with 4 different men. I feel I just can not stay in this marriage any more. After the first time and I caught him, he swore he would never do it again and begged for forgiveness. I granted such and now he has done it 3 more times. I just don’t trust him at all and always wonder what he is really doing when he goes out (which is frequently). Am I crazy to be seeking a divorce for this? We have a son 7 1/2 and a daughter 2 – I would NEVER want to hurt them through any of this. They mean the world to me. Please help if you can."},"answer":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#answer","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/most-likely-gay-husband#answer","html":"<p>I’m sure you realize this, at least at some level, but it is very likely that you are married to a gay man. If he is in fact gay, this is not his fault or your fault; he was born that way. </p>\n<p>Our culture makes it so difficult for gay people to feel okay about being gay that many never come to grips with it in early adulthood and end up getting married in the ‘straight’ custom. Some of these marriages last just fine, and others implode when the partner’s gay sexual preferences just can’t be denied anymore.</p>\n<p>Your husband is committing adultery, for sure, and that is a terrible breach of trust. However, if he is gay in a straight marriage, it’s a little for me to cut him some slack than it would be for a straight adulterer in a straight marriage. </p>\n<p>Think about how motivated you might be to find a straight partner if you were living in a gay marriage. Sexuality aside, what this is ultimately about for you is probably that your trust, and your marriage are damaged. Only you can judge whether the damage is irreparable.</p>\n<p>Given the data, I don’t blame you for not trusting him, and no one would blame you for leaving the marriage. In fact, if he is gay and being cowardly about it, he might be acting out so as to provoke you to be the ‘bad guy’ and end the marriage for him. </p>\n<p>Find yourself someone safe to talk all this out with (a counselor, a trusted family member or friend, etc.) and do what you can to figure out what you have to do given your circumstances. Be gentle with yourself but don’t be afraid to be strong if that is what is called for. Good luck.</p>","text":"I’m sure you realize this, at least at some level, but it is very likely that you are married to a gay man. If he is in fact gay, this is not his fault or your fault; he was born that way. Our culture makes it so difficult for gay people to feel okay about being gay that many never come to grips with it in early adulthood and end up getting married in the ‘straight’ custom. Some of these marriages last just fine, and others implode when the partner’s gay sexual preferences just can’t be denied anymore. Your husband is committing adultery, for sure, and that is a terrible breach of trust. However, if he is gay in a straight marriage, it’s a little for me to cut him some slack than it would be for a straight adulterer in a straight marriage. Think about how motivated you might be to find a straight partner if you were living in a gay marriage. Sexuality aside, what this is ultimately about for you is probably that your trust, and your marriage are damaged. Only you can judge whether the damage is irreparable. Given the data, I don’t blame you for not trusting him, and no one would blame you for leaving the marriage. In fact, if he is gay and being cowardly about it, he might be acting out so as to provoke you to be the ‘bad guy’ and end the marriage for him. Find yourself someone safe to talk all this out with (a counselor, a trusted family member or friend, etc.) and do what you can to figure out what you have to do given your circumstances. Be gentle with yourself but don’t be afraid to be strong if that is what is called for. Good luck.","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/allan-schwartz"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"Most Likely Gay Husband | MentalHealth.com","description":"A reader’s husband has repeatedly had affairs with men despite promises to stop. 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