{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","path":"/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","title":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","family":"Answers detail","description":"A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"custom-shared-preview","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","wordpressId":"6147","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers"}],"reviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"dates":{"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:12Z","dateModified":"2026-05-24T20:26:37Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"},"content":{"html":"<nav class=\"breadcrumbs\" aria-label=\"Breadcrumb\"><ol><li><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/\">Home</a></li><li><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers\">Answers</a></li><li><span aria-current=\"page\">Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?</span></li></ol></nav><div class=\"article-page answer-page\" data-answer-template=\"conversation\"><header class=\"answer-heading article-heading\"><a class=\"answer-back\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers\">Answers</a><h1>Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?</h1><div class=\"answer-credits\"><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9419.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"40\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Written by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Ann Landers</span></span></a><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9210.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"40\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Medically reviewed by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</span></span></a></div><dl class=\"answer-heading-dates\"><div><dt>Published</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2024-06-01T00:35:12Z\">June 1, 2024</time></dd></div><div><dt>Updated</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2026-05-24T20:26:37Z\">May 24, 2026</time></dd></div><div><dt>Reviewed</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-09-15\">September 15, 2025</time></dd></div></dl></header><nav class=\"answer-nav\" aria-label=\"Answer navigation\"><a href=\"#summary\">Summary</a><a href=\"#question\">Question</a><a href=\"#answer\">Answer</a></nav><article class=\"prose\" id=\"article-content\" data-answer-thread aria-label=\"Reader question and professional response\"><section class=\"answer-overview\" id=\"summary\" aria-labelledby=\"summary-title\"><h2 id=\"summary-title\">Summary</h2><figure class=\"answer-question-image\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close-20261003.webp\" alt=\"Two adults talking over coffee at an outdoor cafe.\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" fetchpriority=\"high\"></figure><p>A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events. She asks whether wanting protected time together is unreasonable.</p><p>The response regards her concerns about the husband's behavior as legitimate and emphasizes that marriage requires mutual attention and compromise.</p><p>It encourages clearly explaining how the situation affects her, holding to those concerns if they are dismissed, and negotiating limits on time spent with the secretary.</p><p>The answer says a concern affecting one partner also deserves attention within the relationship.</p></section><div class=\"answer-originals\" id=\"original-conversation\"><div class=\"answer-originals-body\"><section class=\"answer-post answer-question\" id=\"question\" aria-labelledby=\"question-person\"><div class=\"answer-avatar answer-reader\" aria-hidden=\"true\">?</div><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"question-person\">Question</h2><span>Reader · Identity withheld</span></header><p>Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy.</p>\n<p>When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them.</p>\n<p>He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t.</p>\n<p>My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time.</p>\n<p>But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time.</p>\n<p>Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own.</p></div></section><section class=\"answer-post answer-response\" id=\"answer\" aria-labelledby=\"response-person\"><a class=\"answer-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\" aria-label=\"View Ann Landers profile\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9419.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"44\" height=\"44\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"response-person\">Answer</h2><span>Ann Landers</span></header><p>Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him?</p>\n<p>Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible.</p>\n<p>This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties.</p>\n<p>Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and compromise on how much time he spends with her.</p>\n<p>And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship.</p>\n<p>Good luck,<br>– Anne</p></div></section></div></div></article><div class=\"answer-endmatter\"><section class=\"article-expert answer-expert-card\" aria-label=\"Subject matter expert\" data-expert-kind=\"related\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel\" tabindex=\"-1\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/13152.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div class=\"answer-expert-copy\"><p class=\"article-bio-role\">Subject matter expert</p><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel\">Carlos Protzel <span class=\"expert-credentials\">Psy.D.</span></a></h2><p class=\"article-expert-focus\">Integrative mental health care</p><a class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"article-topic-community\" aria-label=\"Related communities\"><img class=\"topic-community-banner\" src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/library/editorial-10366.webp\" alt=\"\" width=\"48\" height=\"48\" loading=\"lazy\"><p class=\"topic-community-label\">Related communities</p><h2>Marriage</h2><p>A space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life.</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/community/marriage\">Explore community</a></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9419.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Author</span><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\">Ann Landers</a></h2><p>Ann Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide.</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers\" class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\"><img src=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9210.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"64\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Medical reviewer</span><h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</a></h2><p>Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…</p><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson\" class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"answer-related\"><h2>Related questions</h2><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/trying-to-save-37-years-of-marriage-with-my-bipolar-husband\">How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?</a><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/slobby-husband\">How do I deal with a slobby husband?</a><a href=\"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband\">Should I stay with a lying husband?</a></section></div></div>","text":"HomeAnswersIs my husband’s secretary too close to him?AnswersIs my husband’s secretary too close to him?Written byAnn LandersMedically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.PublishedJune 1, 2024UpdatedMay 24, 2026ReviewedSeptember 15, 2025SummaryQuestionAnswerSummaryA wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events. She asks whether wanting protected time together is unreasonable.The response regards her concerns about the husband's behavior as legitimate and emphasizes that marriage requires mutual attention and compromise.It encourages clearly explaining how the situation affects her, holding to those concerns if they are dismissed, and negotiating limits on time spent with the secretary.The answer says a concern affecting one partner also deserves attention within the relationship.?QuestionReader · Identity withheldAm I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy. When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them. He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t. My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time. But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time. Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own.AnswerAnn LandersYikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him? Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible. This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties. Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and compromise on how much time he spends with her. And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship. Good luck,– AnneSubject matter expertCarlos Protzel Psy.D.Integrative mental health careView experienceRelated communitiesMarriageA space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life.Explore communityAuthorAnn LandersAnn Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide.View experienceMedical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D.Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…View experienceRelated questionsHow can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?How do I deal with a slobby husband?Should I stay with a lying husband?","wordCount":602},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#website","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","item":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#primaryimage","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close-20261003.webp","contentUrl":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close-20261003.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"Two adults talking over coffee at an outdoor cafe."},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","jobTitle":"Writer (In remembrance)","image":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9419.jpg"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/wordpress/9210.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#article","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","headline":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","description":"A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events.","wordCount":494,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:12Z","dateModified":"2026-05-24T20:26:37Z","author":[{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question"},{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer"}]},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question","name":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","text":"Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy. When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them. He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t. My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time. But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time. Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own.","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer","text":"Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him? Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible. This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties. Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and compromise on how much time he spends with her. And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship. Good luck, – Anne","author":{"@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer"},{"@type":"MedicalWebPage","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#webpage","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","name":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","description":"A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours 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byAnn Landers"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#summary","label":"Summary"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question","label":"Question"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer","label":"Answer"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel","label":"Carlos Protzel Psy.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/carlos-protzel","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/community/marriage","label":"Explore community"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","label":"Ann Landers"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":""},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/trying-to-save-37-years-of-marriage-with-my-bipolar-husband","label":"How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/slobby-husband","label":"How do I deal with a slobby husband?"},{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband","label":"Should I stay with a lying husband?"}],"conversation":{"status":"complete","summary":{"question":"A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events. She asks whether wanting protected time together is unreasonable.","answer":"The response regards her concerns about the husband's behavior as legitimate and emphasizes that marriage requires mutual attention and compromise. It encourages clearly explaining how the situation affects her, holding to those concerns if they are dismissed, and negotiating limits on time spent with the secretary. The answer says a concern affecting one partner also deserves attention within the relationship."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question","html":"<p>Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy.</p>\n<p>When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them.</p>\n<p>He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t.</p>\n<p>My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time.</p>\n<p>But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time.</p>\n<p>Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own.</p>","text":"Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy. When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them. He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t. My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time. But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time. Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own."},"answer":{"id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer","html":"<p>Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him?</p>\n<p>Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible.</p>\n<p>This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties.</p>\n<p>Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and compromise on how much time he spends with her.</p>\n<p>And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship.</p>\n<p>Good luck,<br>– Anne</p>","text":"Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him? Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible. This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties. Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and compromise on how much time he spends with her. And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship. Good luck, – Anne","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/people/anne-landers"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him? | MentalHealth.com","description":"A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events.","canonical":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","robots":"index,follow","socialImage":{"url":"https://mentalhealth-v2.workspace-454808.chatgpt.site/assets/social-tiles-20261006-dots/answers.png","width":1200,"height":630,"alt":"MentalHealth.com — Answers","type":"image/png","sitemapGroup":"answers"}},"subjectMatterExpert":{"name":"Carlos Protzel, Psy.D.","url":"/people/carlos-protzel","profileId":"13151","topic":"wellbeing","focus":"Integrative mental health care","selectionBasis":"Documented expertise in the existing published profile","reviewAttribution":false},"navigation":[],"relatedCommunity":{"community":"/community/marriage","basis":"topic match"},"collections":[]}