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Summary
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A parent is unsettled by a compassionate 10-year-old’s dreams about medieval combat. The child is doing well at home and school and clearly distinguishes dreams from choices he would make.
The response interprets the dreams in the context of active imagination and the child’s caring behavior, rather than treating their content alone as evidence of a disorder.
It contrasts this account with broader behavioral or emotional difficulties that would warrant concern and suggests sports as a possible healthy outlet.
Question
Reader · Identity withheldMy 10 year old is a bright and gentle child. He has loved reading since he was 5, especially medieval fantasy stories, and when he is not in school he can finish a whole book in a day. He is also very sensitive, choosing to become a vegetarian because he did not want to harm animals. He often talks about helping people in need and protecting nature. He attends an advanced class at school and is usually cheerful at home, rarely playing with computer or video games.
\nNot long ago, we had a long conversation, and he shared something that really surprised me. He told me he has been having dreams about killing people. In these dreams, the people are soldiers, following kings and barons. When I asked him why he thought he was having these dreams, he said he did not know. He also told me not to worry because killing is a choice, and it is not a choice he would ever make.
\nI am not sure how to feel. I have always known him as a thoughtful and caring boy, and I still see him that way although these dreams have left me feeling unsettled. I do not know what they mean or if I should be worried. Please help me understand what to do next.
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Answer
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.Ten year old boys have fairly active imaginations and this usually means that parents have nothing to worry about. In light of the fact that he is a vegetarian because he wants to protect living things, is interested in wild life and is against killing people demonstrates that he is engaging in fantasy when he is having these dreams. In fact, he states that in the dreams there are soldiers led by barons and kings rather than modern day people with whom he interacts.
\nThere are a number of symptoms that indicate a child might be having a serious mental problem. Among these problems are: lighting fires, killing living things, torturing living things such as cats, mice, and birds among other things and getting into constant fights. In addition to these symptoms are the inability to sleep, poor performance in school, night terrors and difficulty being managed at home and in school. Your son demonstrates none of these.
\nThere are also circumstances in which a child could show symptoms of anxiety and terror. Children who witness violence at home, such as can occur between angry spouses or who are being abused themselves. If this is happening there is reason for concern. Yet, even if this is true, your son does not appear to have any other symptoms than a few dreams that do not seem to upset or bother him.
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It is true that your son’s dreams express some aggression. However, a certain amount of aggression is normal and needs a healthy outlet. Medieval type dreams in which there is combat is a safe way for a youngster to express these impulses. In every other way he is doing very nicely at home and in school.
\nIf I were to suggest anything it might be that he become involved in some sports activities. Of course, this might be happening already.
\nYou are a conscientious mom with a bright and talented son who truly values life and has excellent values. You need not worry.
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